heartbreak

November 27, 2017

this is how it is and how it will happen again

how do i feel?

insulted / you haven’t noticed / that my eyes / don’t leak so / often now / only look so closely / at the fishbowl / and my nails on the table / tapping / counting bubbles until / i can look up again / and i don’t know / what i expected / pretending not to / fear / the morning / but i’m through with / holding hands / and looking each other / in the eyes / i had it / coming really //

what do i think?

don’t worry about / calling in / sick / you were just a // maybe // and your replacement will arrive / in good time / and we will / let’s say / do the dancing / and drinking / and fucking and / my best guess / is that you aren’t even / aware / a string of words / can wear me down to / the bone / or that you / have destroyed me / once or twice //

 

November 26, 2017

sway

it bothers you more than you’d like to say
and more than your shaking hands
give away
but not more than it did with the last one
isn’t that true?

look at yourself

you were made to be unstable
and to feel too hard and to
explode quietly
and to crash and burn
and to hate yourself and burn
and to love them
and burn

and you’ll feel like you’re dying or
breathing in ash
and your lungs will never clear again and
you won’t ever recover and
the ash
— oh god, the ash —
and your lungs will never clear
but then
they do

and when it happens
again
you just pretend to yourself that
it’s never happened like this before
and pretend to yourself
this is your first
great pain

July 3, 2016

Pleading, Basically

Don’t you start to break on me,
my sad, pathetic heart, you’ll see —
It’s just a little shake, you’ll be
just fine, he’s not a part of me

May 16, 2016

Looking Back,

I found it so hard to believe you exist
that for a brief moment,
I started to think you weren’t there.
But then you did everything that I hate humans for
and I still couldn’t hate you.
I’ve let go of all the things that could be happening right now
so it’s fine if you’ve forgotten me.
In fact,
I bet I almost feel better than you.

April 26, 2016

almost awake

you felt like a dream
but you fade like one too
and you outshone everybody.
you’ll always be a star but
the night is ending.
there are others and others.
I can’t believe I thought you were the sun.
the morning will come.
here it comes.

April 23, 2016

The One After You

Is this enough?
Am I content?

April 19, 2016

a sad poem about love

this is a sad poem about love
and the wasted amount that he wanted her.
she loves music and space and the human race and
nobody in particular.

April 1, 2016

People Turn Themselves into Colanders Sometimes

I have too many feelings
but I’ve been told that’s not possible.
Damn liars.
An excess can happen
and the worst side effect of feeling everything
is feeling nothing.

I have too many of them.
Here they come, watch.
Watch ‘em trickle
out of holes I later blamed
on you
although they’re holes I made.
Everything spills around me
till I’m emptier than I was this morning
(if possible),
sitting in a puddle on your dirty mattress,
waiting for you to ask me to leave.

February 27, 2016

Yet I Felt I Hardly Knew You

Don’t get the wrong impression —
I am broken.
All the others never got a poem
written for them.
And I’m mentally tripping over
hallucinations of your freckles
flecking my vision.
Should I follow them?
Will they take me back
or get me lost
and which am I hoping for
this time?
Where will you be when I decide?
Because this was something else entirely.
And you,
you see beauty
where I see something crooked
and ugly;
you amaze me.
My skin still glows faintly
in every place where you touched me,
my face especially.
You are bliss, I should have said it
when you were with me, I’m sorry.
None of this does you justice,
just like my memory,
but when the day finally comes
that you rise to your place in the sky,
everyone will fall in love with the sun.
But I will wonder why each day.
So lovely and warm, why didn’t I stay?